The Fine Art of Editing Your Life
You don’t know, what you don’t know - until you know it. That realization, the knowing…can be a God send. Your new lighthouse in the dark or it can be your worst nightmare depending on how you perceive it. You can always be the victim or victor in your story. But no one is going to save you, especially when most of us need saving from ourselves. My recommendation to anyone is, find out who and what makes you happy, who fills you up, who is invested in seeing you succeed and what are the activities that make you shine from the inside out. Everything else that’s orbiting your world but isn’t adding value - cut it out. Release it with love. Edit. Edit. Edit.
My life used to be (and sometimes still is) kind of a laughable phenomenon - if it is going to happen to anyone, it will happen to me. “That shit only happens to you” I would often hear from family and friends. From fucked up strange encounters, lemon vehicles, travel blunders, dramatic breakups with lovers to unreal - real life scenarios…if it could resemble a tornado I’ve probably attracted it into my life. Does this sound like you? When you have lived and experienced chaos for so long - you begin to expect it. You don’t know anything else. Your reality becomes a reactive state of holding on tight because you aren’t quite sure what life is going to throw at you next. Always feeling like the passenger in a really nauseating roller-coaster ride that you can’t get off. Also, this below graphic…I’m already hyena laughing.
If this is hitting close to home, hopefully…one day something clicks. You get that cognitive shift and you realize it’s not all happening to you - it’s happening FOR you AND you can make it stop. You have a choice. Le sigh. That word ‘choice’ - that damn funny, silly, stupid word! Having a choice means acknowledging an active and intentional change that needs to happen and taking responsibility when you do or do not engage in that change. If you sit in your current state - play the victim- that’s an active choice…you have to take responsibility for that. That’s the shitty thing about being an adult. I actually really fucking hate it sometimes. Like, middle fingers to the sky some days. I have a great relationship with Source, so much so that in those moments I usually get a beautiful interjecting message of love - or a bird shitting on me from the sky. I say “thank you” to both.
Candace Bushnell — 'The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.'
You will always be tested by the Universe until you get the message and truly UNDERSTAND and integrate it. If you’ve ever asked yourself why the same shit keeps happening to you or why you keep attracting certain humans in your life the answer is simply - you haven’t learned a lesson yet and made an active change. Two parts: awareness/cognitive shift AND the physical action or change in behaviour that supports that up leveling in your energy. This is really fucking hard sometimes. You really have to be consistent with actions here or that cognitive shift will collapse and you will find yourself justifying staying in the same place you are in and eventually believing your own lies. Don’t mind fuck yourself. It really isn’t necessary.
Whatever that lesson is you need to learn - it will continue to present itself until you make active changes in your life to show the Universe you hear it loud and clear and have learned your lesson. This isn’t to say you aren’t going to be tested, this just means you know what to do to avoid the discomfort this test can bring into your life - eventually it isn’t even a test anymore. You aren’t attracting it. For me, a big lesson and learning for me is around creating boundaries in my personal and professional relationships. Sound familiar?
Edit unneeded/unwanted/outgrown humans…
It used to really piss me off that I’d only attract really needy, fair-weather friends in my life. Since elementary and high school, I was a friend-therapist. My tight friendships would be based around me supporting someone else in a deep time of need - and while I was happy to be helping, it became exhausting. By the time the friendship was over I was resentful, hurt and ready to move on. It was a pattern I noticed early on but couldn’t seem to break, even in my romantic relationships. My first boyfriend was doomed from the start. His failed attempts at getting my cousin to reciprocate his advances eventually landed him in my corner. When I look back on it now it was all quite pathetic and sad. When we eventually dated I lost interest in him - and created a less than desirable love triangle that blew up in my face and ended up hurting more than just me. At the time I blamed everyone else but me. The problem - boundaries or the lack thereof.
This friendship-therapist pattern was alive and well but began to shift and change in my mid to late 20s - plateauing and then shifting again as I near my mid 30s. Trusting and becoming vulnerable was and has never been an easy thing for me. During some monumentally shitty moments in my life I’ve had people really show up for me, take advantage of me and also important people who knew they needed to exit to give me the space I needed to find my footing and re-enter when it was was a better time for them to do so.
When you are questioning yourself worth and aren’t clear about who you are and what you want - the people you attract aren’t always the healthiest…they aren’t necessarily there to help build you up. Usually there is one monumental fucker who is there to help you hit rock bottom so you can really understand how strong you are and THAT is a gift. It’s a fucking messy gift and trust me you won’t be sending any thank you letters afterwards but if you can get to a space in your life when you understand IT’S ALL FOR YOU not happening to you - things, I promise you…are going to get better. I wish my lessons were more around what to do after winning the lottery or how to successfully manage a farm full of baby animals. Like, when do I get to manifest that shit?!
As you gain more clarity about who you are, what you stand for, what your values are and where your boundaries lie - things shift in your world. People start to fall away that no longer serve you and others come in stronger than you could have ever expected or wished for. It’s all a beautiful balance if you let it be. For me a lot has changed in my external world as I tend to my internal self. It’s all a lot less dramatic because I’m not attracting dramatic humans. People aren’t rushing to me to solve their problems because I’m A.) not picking up the phone or B.) they know not to call me for that anymore. This isn’t about being a bitch or being heartless. It’s about creating boundaries and knowing your self worth. I know what I bring to the table now, and I’m not going to share my time, energy and space with just anyone. That goes both ways. If my friends lean on me, I also know I can lean on them - there is a mutual understanding and it isn’t exhausting. Friendships flow, relationships flow - that's how you know they are healthy.
I still have energy vampires (as I tend to call them) come into my world but I navigate them, and don’t let them suck me dry. I keep them at bay, manage them in whatever capacity they need to be in my life at the time and then thank them for their lessons and send them on their way. They don’t linger- because they aren’t invited to. That’s the beautiful thing about boundaries and choice - you decide, because you are in the driver’s seat.
Edit your work/projects…
Oh fuck. Don’t say yes when you really mean no. Lesson learned. Then learned again - then again…a few more times between AAAANNNNNDDDDD maybe once or twice after that. I get it, someone’s got to pay the bills! Totally get it!
I’m not dogging anyone who has a lovely partner who is able to pick up the slack when they are busy in school or between projects. For those of us who don’t (and maybe during hard times have Googled ‘sugar daddies’ but then saw a Dateline NBC episode of such arrangements and then never entertained the idea ever EVER again) have such partners it is easy to say yes to unfulfilling jobs, lack lustre projects and to buying into the whole ‘you’ve gotta grind, hustle hustle - work HARD’ mentality only to burn out before any real progress begins. Fuck. That. Yes hard work pays off but hard work pays off when you are in your correct purpose. Likely - that hard work is enjoyable and doesn’t feel so hard because you love it, so you are HAPPY to do it. There is a difference and you can feel it energetically. If it feels like work (and you find yourself crying in your vehicle almost every morning eating a Tim Horton’s $2.99 yogurt when they didn’t even fill up the granola part all the way and WHY OH WHY IS LIFE SO HARD)…heavy and not fun or motivating EVER then chances are you are not doing the work intended for you or with the right company.
You know what you need to do - you need to have a plan. PIVOT. And may I recommend that plan not including quitting your job via email to your boss after being sick for a week and a half and just ingesting 2 teaspoons of expired Benadryl…let me tell YOU that accomplishes a lot of rapid heart beating, fear and forced freedom that you maaaaybe weren’t so ready for. You need to get real about what inspires you and what your passion is. Take strategic leaps of faith that don’t feel like you’re falling down some fucked up rabbit hole like Alice in Wonderland. Chase after your dreams but best to have a bit of a plan or you will be so caught up in band-aiding your finances that you won’t be focusing on the bigger picture.
If you are a freelancer…God save the Queen and you. Kidding. Slightly. Don’t say yes to every project. When you don’t leave room on your plate for the work that inspires you, you are basically telling the Universe what to throw at you. Feeling chaotic? Living in chaos? Thinking “ugh, my work life is so chaotic - I hate it.” Guess what…you are going to attract chaos. Say no. Make a plan. Execute that plan and make small, strategic strides in the direction that feels -right-…almost like it is calling your name and pulling you in.
Trust the Universe is conspiring in your favour always. It is…but you need to conspire in your favour too.
Edit your material things and space(s)…
I know the Japanese tidying guru, Marie Kondo instructs her readers put their hands on all their belongings and decide if it evokes joy or not - before that stage (if you ever get to that stage) start with just looking at your stuff and getting rid of the things that evoke a sense of ‘get the fuck out of my life’. I’m not going to pussy foot around it - you know when you are sick of something or something is bringing the vibe down in your office, living room, bedroom or even your closet/wardrobe.
Sometimes the Universe does funny things and gets rid of stuff for you. I had this beautiful watch my ex got me, designer label and I loved it but it kept me tied to him. When I wore it my mind drifted to the past and even though our relationships was a fucking sinking ship that pulled my soul to the bottom of an desolate dark hole of nothing (absolutely not being dramatic at all!!!) I found myself thinking of him when I wore that watch. I don’t know where the fuck that watch is now... but it is GONE. Truth be told - I'm not the most responsible human on the planet BUT when it comes to the things I cherish I’m quite diligent in making sure I know where they are. That watch is gone, gone - GONE. Goodbye. See you NEVER. I don’t miss it. Whoever has it - enjoy!
Do an inventory of your space. What do you HONESTLY, wholeheartedly love - and what can get packed up in a box or bag and given away or dropped off at a second used store?! I used to hold onto material things - clothing, art, gifts from past partners, shit that matched up with who I wanted to be but wasn’t actually, items that matched a persona - a person I was at a particular time. I don’t feel compelled to keep everything anymore. That’s a lie. My crystals. Don’t fuck around with my crystals - everything else, meh. Okay...some of my shoes and a few moomoos. Fuck! I’m making progress though. I swear.
I recently got rid of half of my wardrobe. It was a process. For anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder clothing and fit becomes a bit of a sensitivity especially in the early phases of recovery. Not that I am so totally cocky at this point on my journey - but after a while you just think ‘nah I’m good’ until you are pulling up a skirt that fit you 5 years ago, cost a fortune and no longer covers your coochie not to mention creates a mini flab tidal wave in your midsection…like a fucking chain reaction that pushes shit up and down in the most unflattering of ways. Now, being self reflective with a sense of humour (and sarcastic streak) allows for some leniency in how I handle such situations when it comes to my own self talk. But when you hear a faint yet familiar voice say in the back of your mind, “just lose some weight” you know damn well that skirt needs to be in a bag on its way to Value Village...or burned in protest like a feminist with a bra in the 60s. Since I really should not be trusted with a large open flame - in the bag and out the door it went.
Bottom line - if it brings out the worst in you, reminds you of a time in your life that isn’t reflective of who you are now or is just an item that is taking up space and prevents flow…get rid of it! Free up the breathing room and ditch it! ***Side note: try not to throw it into the garbage though - thrift stores or a garage sale are options, or give away to friends and family!
Edit your social media (and who you follow)…
I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Your mental health and well being are priority. Don’t waste your time with someone else’s bullshit that makes you feel less than. Social media can be a wondrous tool for inspiration and connection or an anchor full of guilt and lies that corrupts your dreams and ambitions. You have a purpose. Stay focused on you. Please choose wisely whose feed you flip through and who receives your energy. Be mindful of what you post. Authenticity is the sexiest quality. Everything else is just noise.
Where to start if you know you need to edit your life?
Start with you. I journal inconsistently (shocker) but when I do I ask myself important questions like:
What makes me happiest? Who supports and encourages this?
What is exciting me about my life right now? Who are some of my cheerleaders?
Who in my life is really fucking amazingly awesomely fabulous? …and why?
What relationships am I doing all the work?
What is an area in my life that feels heavy, and why?
What do I need from my humans that I’m not asking for?
What could I be offering my humans to make my relationships more fulfilling?
Who or what isn’t adding value to my life and is actually COSTING me?!
Who is and isn’t helping me accomplish my goals?
Could I eat anymore avocados if I tried? Kidding…the answer to that question is actually no. I really love those green fuckers.
Thank you for your clearly long attention span and for taking the time to share in my words and world. Know that regardless of who you are and where you are I am sending you some happiness and love to carry out your day - and hopefully more than you need so you can share with others. The world needs more of you showing up as your brightest and loving self.
Warmest of Regards,